About meldoeslife

Just getting through life as best I can. Occasional moments of hilarity and joy with quite a bit of oddness observed along the way....

Two steps back but a positive step forward.

Two steps back but a positive step forward..

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Superwoman has crash landed

I haven’t been around for the past few days, sorry.

My depression tends to kick in when I have spent too long “being superwoman”. Basically, I am in the process of being made redundant and I am the only person left on my department. I am wholly responsible for handing over 2 pension schemes.  But my Superwoman kicked in and I convinced myself that I was able to cope and would do a marvellous job.

The problem with Superwoman is that she doesn’t take real life into account. She ploughs on through, wearing herself thinner and thinner, never saying no to anyone (in fact, she offers to do even more than usual as she is on a Superwoman high). Hell, she doesn’t need to take her antidepressants because she’s on a roll! She doesn’t even need to sleep all that much – always waking up in the night is no problem!!

 And then….BANG…..CRASH….reality hits home.

Because I am NOT Superwoman. I am Mel and sometimes I need to say no. Sometimes I need to actually stop for more than a minute.

The crash came on Tuesday night. I got home from work and cried big fat ploppy tears (the kind that land on my glasses lenses and leave little salty tidemarks) and generally produced Blair Witch Project quantities of snot before realising that I might need to make an appointment with the doctor to sort out my tablets, admit that I may have stood looking at a full packet of painkillers for just a little bit longer than I should, and ask for some help.

I may have had depression for 12 years but I am still so blind to Superwoman when she’s in full swing. I’m just grateful that I have realised what I am doing this time before it went too far. So I apologise that this blog may not be updated as frequently as I’d hoped but sometimes it’s a bit difficult to describe what’s going on.

It will get better. I am certain of that and then you’ll have to put up with me on a daily basis again 🙂

Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

Have you ever had one of those lucid dreams that kind of linger in your mind throughout the next day and sometimes a little bit longer? That’s what happened to me last night and it has made me feel decidedly odd today.

The dream actually started off quite well: I was sitting in a theatre and when it came to the end, instead of everyone putting on coats, they put on a bootcamp t-shirt.  They all had great motivational slogans on the front and on the back was the name of the bootcamp and where they were from. I took an extreme dislike to one from Wigan, not entirely sure why. Sorry Wigan.

Anyway, then it all went a little bit awry and I ended up having the “ex dream”.  Have any of you ever had one of these dreams? Where you are back with your ex and you’re really happy? What is it all about? I haven’t been with this particular ex for 17 years and yet I still dream about him every once in a while.  I definitely DO NOT want to rekindle any relationship with him but he still appears as some sort of Adonis in my subconscious!! The dream always puts me a bit out of sorts and I wish I knew why. So, any insight would be appreciated!

The other recurring dream I have is the one where I am late. Usually for a party or a wedding and I haven’t got anything to wear. I mean, literally, nothing to wear.  I am usually frantically trying to ring friends for help but I have either forgotten their numbers or my fingers are too fat to put the number into my phone.  Pretty sure this one is all about loss of control, but again, any suggestions welcomed 🙂

I would love to hear about your recurring dreams too….if only to make me feel a little bit better about my own….!

This is the song!

This is the song, la-la-la-la, Melissa’s song!

Sometimes you need more than a few inspirational tweets, quotes and pics to cheer you up. And this….well this does it for me every time 🙂 Sing it loud, sing it proud! And let’s see how long it takes to get it out of your head!!!

Grrr

Today started off really well, with a large skinny latte and a To Do list that was totally manageable. Where did it all go wrong?! Work went crazy this afternoon and since then I have been in a right funk.  Even paying off my loan this afternoon didn’t help and I have been looking forward to that for months!

Actually now I come to think of it, maybe that’s the problem. Do you know when you’re supposed to be over the moon about something but the euphoria never really hits? “Supposed to be” are the important words here.  I’ve felt like that so many times in the past, and got into that nasty little thought cycle. You know the one: “I have a boyfriend, a house, family and friends. I’m supposed to be happy. Why aren’t I? There must be something wrong with me. I’m rubbish. I should be grateful for what I’ve got. Why am I so miserable? Why would anyone like such a miserable bitch?”

Good grief! I give myself such a hard time and why??? Because my brain chemicals are a little skew whiff?!  So I’m taking the pressure off for tonight. Crappy tv and cups of tea all evening. Real “Me Time”. And I shall start afresh tomorrow.

Catching Up

So yesterday was a bit of a write off due to the fact that I drank far too much alcohol on Saturday night.  I’m pretty peeved that I did it. Firstly, I was trying not to drink at all in January, but after the first week back at work (a week full of death and tax!), I wanted to kick back and relax.  So what I really need is a hobby  that will help me relax at the weekend and won’t result in the loss of a full day due to a hangover.  Obviously I have Googled “Cheap hobbies for women”. Where would we be without Google eh? These are the results on http://www.buzzle.com/articles/cheap-hobbies-for-women.html

Cooking
Cooking as a hobby, is something which I am sure all women love and if you love to experiment with food, then nothing like it. Get together with your other female friends or maybe with the female members of your family and try out some new dishes from the cookbook or some of your grandma’s recipes and then let your family enjoy it. No matter if the first batch turns out to be bad, at least you enjoyed making it. Cooking is one of the best cheap hobbies for women in their 30s, or 40s or whatever age she might be.

Reading
Another real good hobby is reading. Nothing beats sitting on a comfortable chair or sofa, with a real good book to read. Grab hold of some books of your choice and start reading it. Trust me when I say that reading a good book really refreshes your mind a lot and you also get to learn something specially from a non-fiction book. While reading a book, for once you forget all your worries and involved with the book and the characters of the book.

Learn a New Language
Learning something really difficult like maybe a new language, is a great way to bust stress. Learning a new foreign language helps you know more about a foreign land you have never been to, but might visit someday. The more difficult the language is, the more you get involved with it. So enroll yourself in a foreign language class today and surprise your friends by speaking a new language of which they cannot make a head or tail out of.

Jewelry Making
Love to wear jewelry and various other accessories? I am sure you do, after all which woman doesn’t love to wear them. But, you think that they are pretty expensive and thus while buying it for yourself you think twice. So why not make your own jewelry? Jewelry making is another favorite hobby of many women. It’s very simple! If you have got some old jewelry lying around, you can use them to make something which you like, like you can use the beads of an old necklace to make some new earrings or maybe a bracelet. One can also gift these homemade jewelry to someone and it will surely be something very personal. These are some great hobbies for women.

Stitching and Knitting
When I was a kid I used to see my granny take out her knitting needles every winter and happily click away making a sweater for us kids. She used to take days to do it and she loved doing it too. You too can try out something like that. Knit a sweater for your friend or maybe for your kids and they are sure to love that more than the ready-made sweaters that you get in the shops. Use your imagination to create something new. You can also stitch something for someone. Many women love to stitch, so get out those needles and thread. If you do not know how to do sewing or knitting, then there are many classed which will teach you how. You can also visit your senior neighbor next door and ask her how to do it. These are some of the best cheap hobbies for women in their 40s or 50s. Try it.

Swimming
The above list of hobbies and interests for women were all indoor hobbies. Now let us see some of the outdoor hobbies such as swimming. One is never too old to learn swimming and if you or your friend has an outdoor pool, then what’s stopping you from going there and taking a dip. It sure is a healthy hobby and you will enjoy it a lot. If you do not know how to swim, then you can learn anytime and enjoy yourself as well as keep yourself fit.

Some Other Cheap Hobbies for Women

Given below are some more fun hobbiesfor women which you will love doing. These hobbies are great for relaxing ones body and soul. Interested? Then here goes.

So I’m going with the stitching or knitting option. Co-incidentally, I was chatting to a Twitter friend about a tiger design cross stitch I started 12 years ago and still haven’t finished. I shall add this to my list of goals for 2012 – finish the goddamn tiger cross stitch! And I shall be too busy squinting and pricking my fingers to even think about a glass of wine! That’s the theory anyway…..