I haven’t been around for the past few days, sorry.
My depression tends to kick in when I have spent too long “being superwoman”. Basically, I am in the process of being made redundant and I am the only person left on my department. I am wholly responsible for handing over 2 pension schemes. But my Superwoman kicked in and I convinced myself that I was able to cope and would do a marvellous job.
The problem with Superwoman is that she doesn’t take real life into account. She ploughs on through, wearing herself thinner and thinner, never saying no to anyone (in fact, she offers to do even more than usual as she is on a Superwoman high). Hell, she doesn’t need to take her antidepressants because she’s on a roll! She doesn’t even need to sleep all that much – always waking up in the night is no problem!!
And then….BANG…..CRASH….reality hits home.
Because I am NOT Superwoman. I am Mel and sometimes I need to say no. Sometimes I need to actually stop for more than a minute.
The crash came on Tuesday night. I got home from work and cried big fat ploppy tears (the kind that land on my glasses lenses and leave little salty tidemarks) and generally produced Blair Witch Project quantities of snot before realising that I might need to make an appointment with the doctor to sort out my tablets, admit that I may have stood looking at a full packet of painkillers for just a little bit longer than I should, and ask for some help.
I may have had depression for 12 years but I am still so blind to Superwoman when she’s in full swing. I’m just grateful that I have realised what I am doing this time before it went too far. So I apologise that this blog may not be updated as frequently as I’d hoped but sometimes it’s a bit difficult to describe what’s going on.
It will get better. I am certain of that and then you’ll have to put up with me on a daily basis again 🙂